Most “Bourne-ing”!

SPOILER ALERT

family's back, so we took the kids to the movies and watched the most boring bourne movie ever! not sure what is the reason behind this complex, non-coherent and pointless film - now i understand why matt damon declined, wise decision.

it all begins in some remote snowy mountains in nowhere's-land, and after almost 30 minutes of cold boring action, jeremy renner manages to shove a beacon device down a wild wolf's throat in a desperate camouflage tactic to avoid being hit by a tracking missile - i really didn't get this idiot wolf, he was tracking renner for a few days, and just when he found him bleeding on the snow-ground, here on a silver plate, he lets his ass get kicked, his throat raped, then instead of running after the guy who just pissed on his pride, he decides to run away from an incoming missile and get a bomb up his ass, saving the life of the man he was about to devour!! dude! that was hard to swallow!

then renner manages to sneak into mainland, just in time to save a research scientist, rachel weisz, from being killed by government authorities - he accidentally shows up at the decisive moment, kills a team of skilled cia agents only because he wants some blue pills from rachel.. yes, believe it or not, this whole movie is about a blue pill, and it's not even viagara - kind of a of jack and the giant bean movie, minus the imagination!

so rachel and renner manage to escape to the philippines to get viraled-out (yes, new term) in the company's labs - thank god joseph was there to let them into this cutting-edge facility where no one has ever heard of the word security before - security passes where forged with amazing laminated finish aboard the plane, in the tiny half-meter-wide bathroom.

viraling-out took just enough time to let renner back on his feet and into fighting mode - it took him a wink to recover as he jumped straight into this very long action loaded, physically intense chase scene, a redundant re-shoot of bourne ultimatum's moroccan rooftop pursuit, but longer... much longer..

and while we waited for some kind of a brutal fight between renner and this dangerous, emotionless, recently activated cia mofo assassin, the director chose to end the fight with a deadly motorcycle accident, where the assassin is kicked in the head by rachel, as she swings behind a fainting renner on the leading bike.. wth??

as for the film's legacy, i guess it laid in edward norton's role - he played such an insignificant character which brought nothing to the table, or his career - this was certainly not his most brilliant choice! if i were him i'd kick my agent in the head, just to borrow from rachel..

our verdict? if you love the bourne series, do not waste your time on this one, it was most disappointing and a big fail!

    8 Responses to “Most “Bourne-ing”!”

    1. Kman says:

      LMAO!!! This is by far the most hilarious movie review I read in town.people have to watch the movie to get what you’re saying…awesome looool. That stupid wolf is hilarious, was wondering myself why didn’t he simply follow renner? he is much faster and could have cought up with him in a matter of seconds and they could have both died together with that missile!!!!

      I give this movie 50% rating, or even less.

    2. Dave says:

      HA HA HA HA… So true!!

    3. Manny says:

      Lol! And I thought I was the only one who didn't like it! Thanks a lot mate for this review! Just made my day :)

    4. Rose says:

      Missile up his ass?? Me liiiiiiiike

      You just gave me an incentive to watch that movie ;-)

    5. 965malls says:

      LMAO!! I didn’t see that one coming!! You’re unbelievable rose!! unbeleivable…

    6. Rose says:

      I’m zipping it… your wife is here.. no further comments

    7. 965malls says:

      Wise girl.. Very wise girl.. Very very wise girl..

    8. Pat says:

      Looooooooool!! Brilliant!!

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